"Everyone saying different things to me. "DO You believe in what you see?" ZERO 7
All Saints' Day in Poland. Here, everything is recovering from the night of visual street sexploitation. That so-called holiday stirred a mixture of negative feelings in my brain.
Dear Daniel made me laugh and kept me floating all night yesterday. Who would expect that? Halloween , a nightmare on St.Marks. The unexpected visit of the phantom from the past, Cuban Casanova, really convinced me that all the moments I shared with him are so gone. He is harmless but still painful individual who no longer causes any emotional eruption in me. It is an amazing feeling to be aware how moods, feelings and needs change with time. This visit was very metaphorical for me. He appeared like a ghost from another reality. I did not notice any adrenaline rush or faster pulse or beat that my heart cannot skip. After 5 minutes of meaningless conversation I just wanted to chase him away like a bad dream. I was more than ever convinced that it is a completely closed period of my life. A "compartment" that I never want to visit again.
That night was very spiritual and in some way haunted. I could not stop thinking that the fact Matteo did not say good-bye to me was disappointing. I tried all day to concentrate on millions of little things. Spending an hour in front of the mirror struggling endlessly with fake burlesque-like lashes. Than reading a nineteen century treaty on physiology of haute cuisine written by the French philosopher-entrepreneur. Still this one tormenting thought was banging on the door of my brain. Even the tears followed. I finally thought that sadness is a natural feeling, our shadow companion. I returned from the bar yesterday at 4 am and played a one special song "sadness" by a Polish singer Seweryn Krajewski for 10 times. I started reading emails and email from Vadim, my neighbor whom I met through Matteo, wishing me ;"Happy Fall", made my night.
Weekend looks so promising: Gogol Bordello, Union Pool, coaching, brunch with Kellie, translation...
Sean, the ghost of Gotham Grill, did not appear last night but somehow it does not surprise me.
Song for tonight is "FEVER" by Shirley Horn.
