My song

After-Halloween syndrome

"Everyone saying different things to me. "DO You believe in what you see?" ZERO 7
All Saints' Day in Poland. Here, everything is recovering from the night of visual street sexploitation. That so-called holiday stirred a mixture of negative feelings in my brain.
Dear Daniel made me laugh and kept me floating all night yesterday. Who would expect that? Halloween , a nightmare on St.Marks. The unexpected visit of the phantom from the past, Cuban Casanova, really convinced me that all the moments I shared with him are so gone. He is harmless but still painful individual who no longer causes any emotional eruption in me. It is an amazing feeling to be aware how moods, feelings and needs change with time. This visit was very metaphorical for me. He appeared like a ghost from another reality. I did not notice any adrenaline rush or faster pulse or beat that my heart cannot skip. After 5 minutes of meaningless conversation I just wanted to chase him away like a bad dream. I was more than ever convinced that it is a completely closed period of my life. A "compartment" that I never want to visit again.
That night was very spiritual and in some way haunted. I could not stop thinking that the fact Matteo did not say good-bye to me was disappointing. I tried all day to concentrate on millions of little things. Spending an hour in front of the mirror struggling endlessly with fake burlesque-like lashes. Than reading a nineteen century treaty on physiology of haute cuisine written by the French philosopher-entrepreneur. Still this one tormenting thought was banging on the door of my brain. Even the tears followed. I finally thought that sadness is a natural feeling, our shadow companion. I returned from the bar yesterday at 4 am and played a one special song "sadness" by a Polish singer Seweryn Krajewski for 10 times. I started reading emails and email from Vadim, my neighbor whom I met through Matteo, wishing me ;"Happy Fall", made my night.
Weekend looks so promising: Gogol Bordello, Union Pool, coaching, brunch with Kellie, translation...
Sean, the ghost of Gotham Grill, did not appear last night but somehow it does not surprise me.
Song for tonight is "FEVER" by Shirley Horn.

Tel Aviv

I'm getting there!

The Journey

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice--

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do--

determined to save

the only life you could save.
Mary Oliver

October Street Rhapsody

The door

I found this door on one of the narrow streets of Tel Aviv. I liked them so much.
0ne day my house will hav e this kind of door.

Welcome in 2007!!!

Time to write something in New Year. I have just visited new John Currin's exhibition at Gagosian Gallery, NYC. I remember the first time I saw his paintings at Metropolitan Museum 3 years ago and I totally fell in love with his art. Perfect mixture of 19th Rossetti female image and modern touch of Park Avenue decadence. Now, I was a little bit surprised...A lot of sexual "hard-core" connotations, literalism. What I really found touching was that he decided to show his stuff in the neigborhood which he actually explicitly ridicules. Uptown Manhattan....Still the painting which you see in this note will remain my favourite...I wish he would create more visual narratives of this type...
ANIA